hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
