just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
