Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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