Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
