My balls are so social today.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
