at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
