he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I touched a dick in church today
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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