I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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