I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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