bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
