I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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