do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
