she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
