I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
