What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
