maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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