so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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