she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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