worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
