I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
