Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
