he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
