if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
