just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
