My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
