dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
