Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
