so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
