is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
