I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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