I miss vodka workout Fridays
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
