I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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