Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize