i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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