i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
