I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's the barista slut.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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