the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize