She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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