ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
