You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize