Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
