wrigley field is MILF paradise
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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