my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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