What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
