I forgot how hot balto sounded
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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