I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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