I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
