she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He? As in you personified your dick?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
