walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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