I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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