Can i not drive my cunt home
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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