you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
