i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
