My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
soo... how was my night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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