The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
