then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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