yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
