Where is the hickey?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
