i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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