based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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