we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
