the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
