i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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