A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize