Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
