First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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