from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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