if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
