FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
