Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
