i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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